I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize