No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize