The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
