we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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