A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
