I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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