hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
She's not a foreskin expert like you
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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