he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
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He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
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nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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