Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
