yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
