Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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