i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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