Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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