Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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