my sisters under your porch take her home
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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