Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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