i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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