I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
