My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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