Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
