Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Randomize
