i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
