Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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