guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
