make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
