porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
