His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
the day after is always just damage control
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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