I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
