Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
