I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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