The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
