i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
do herpes really smell.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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