He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
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