Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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