he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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