I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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