I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
