Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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