I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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