the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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