Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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