if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
