found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Life is so much better after having sex.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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