and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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