Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
