is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
