The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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