I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
