i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
