Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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