she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
