Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Randomize
