i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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