8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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