Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize