I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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