love makes seman taste better
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Randomize
