Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
