i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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