If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
