He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
