Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
