Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
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