i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
